When I wrote my first post in January, my heart was very heavy. Changes at work were being made quickly, and it was hard to wrap my head around what that meant for my family. I was pretty vague in what was going on because I couldn't share too many details at that time. But, the path has been cleared again and now I can give a little more insight into the first month of 2015 and what's been happening in our family.
If you've read very long (which I understand most probably haven't, I have a tendency to start and stop my blog depending on how busy life gets...oops!), you will know that I am a nurse. For the last 3 1/2 years, I have been a Neonatal Intensive Care nurse in a Level III hospital. It is my dream job. It was the job I got after graduating nursing school. And it is a job I love.
I have spent countless hours bathing, changing, and feeding other people's children. I have spent hours upon hours soothing upset babies who miss their mommas, rocking and singing them back to comfort. I have placed IV's in the tiniest of veins, taken blood pressures with the tiniest of cuffs, placed the tiniest of leads on the tiniest of bodies.
I have consoled scared parents, taught parents how to change trachs, trach ties, ostomy bags, and the physiological and psychological aspects of kangaroo care. I have loved extra hard on babies whose parents have simply given up on them and done more post-mortem molds than I'd like to remember.
I have done compressions on the smallest bodies while witnessing the most extraordinary of miracles in the survival of the baby next door. The same babies have taught me what it means to be a fighter, an advocate, and humble compassion for the lowest of these.
To say that these babies and families have my heart would be an understatement. Which is why leaving them on February 11th will be so difficult for me.
At the very end of December, we got wind of changes in the NICU effective February 22nd that would effect what we wanted for our family. Change is inevitable and in the long run, these changes will benefit the babies I love oh so much. So I completely understand and support the changes! But I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. The changes will affect how my family runs. Right now, Hadley isn't in daycare, but these changes were going to force us to put her in daycare. David and I spent hours and hours analyzing every single option for our family. I was frantic because I didn't want to throw Hadley into just any daycare--and finding a good daycare takes time and research! Time we didn't have. Hence my frustration and worry.
If you've made it this far, congratulations! To make a long story a little shorter, I received an offer for a position elsewhere in the hospital that I am really looking forward to! Hadley will not have to go to daycare (yay!) and I will get to work some Saturdays and some evenings (not even all night...yay again!) meaning Hadley is going to get some quality time with her Daddy--and I know they are both looking forward to that!
God is good. This was a huge test of faith for my family. Financial burdens are a real thing and we need my paycheck. Plain and simple. Not working wasn't an option for us, but neither was paying a fortune for daycare. We literally had to go to God for this whole request and he more than provided for our family. This new position is not one I had ever thought about nor a road I ever thought I'd go down. I don't know that I would have always been with the babies, but I didn't see myself leaving them so soon. But God has other plans for me now and I am excited to embrace this next step in my career, while continuing to care about my sweet family I love so much!
Wow, Erin, you are seriously amazing - reading everything you do for those babies is really incredible. I can only hope that my future children will have a nurse half as caring as you. Your new hospital is so incredibly fortunate to have you on staff!!
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